#WhyIStayed

I stayed,

because he made me believe

that without him I was nothing

that I was below

even the lowliest creature

to ever walk the earth

that I was useless

worthless

filthy

and

unwanted

I stayed,

because he made me believe

that his words had the power

to hold me captive

in lies that had now become

my truth

I stayed,

because I let those words

stick into me like arrows

leaving wounds that still ache

even after all these years

at just the mention

of his name

I stayed,

because those arrows dripped with poison

that injected me with shame

and kept me isolated in a prison

alone in silence with my pain

I stayed,

because the first time it happened

I believed it when society told me it was my fault

that I was the one to blame

that I probably provoked him

and therefore deserved the pain

I stayed,

because the second time it happened

I tried to forget about the first

and when he told me again

how sorry he was

I could feel my heart begin to burst

I stayed,

because I thought

that love could conquer all

that maybe, just maybe

if I loved him enough

it would be enough

to tear down his walls

because at some point

I recognized

that we’re all broken inside

but most of all

I stayed,

not because I was afraid to leave

but because it was easier to stay

then it was to find my voice

and speak

**********

*This poem was prompted by the Janay Rice Story that prompted Beverly Gooden to write this response. <— which you should totally read … like right now.

Violence against women has been completely normalized by society and this must end! The blood of millions of women that have died at the hands of their partners demands it! We cannot let these cries go unheard any longer!

It’s my hope that by sharing my story, I may inspire others to find their voices and share theirs as well. I would love to hear about your experiences and lend you my ear (or eyes in this case). If you wish to connect with me and don’t feel like sharing your story at this time, feel free to contact me privately by emailing me at :  chantellegarvin@gmail.com

and remember: You may not be able to change the intro, but you do have the power to change how the story ends!

Xoxo

Chantelle

The Captain and the Hourglass (Song Prompt Poem)

The captain and the hourglass
drowning in a sea
of day old blues
where change is fiction
that causes friction
and lies have become the truth

remembering white sails
that sliced through the sky
and days that faded into sunsets
before his very eyes
green screens that changed the scenes
while dawn beckoned fourth the light

now he sits in silence
while the demons rage inside
listening to the waves
crash just outside the door
moonlight spills through the window
as one lone casing drops to the floor

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Image and poem ©Chantelle Garvin 2014

Update

Hello out there!

First off, I just wanted to apologize to all of my followers for not posting anything in quite some time. I moved to Sauble Beach at the beginning of June to take a job at a Summer Camp and I didn’t anticipate being so busy. It’s like the days just seem to float of the calendar. The job was for 10 weeks and I can’t believe that I’m finishing up the 7th week already! Time really does fly when you’re having fun!

I had such high expectations for this job and nothing turned out the way I planned. I was hoping to have an album written and partially recorded which is a complete joke since I’ve not been able to find any time at all to write (hence the long hiatus from posting anything new) The wifi up here has been spotty too so I haven’t had much access to the online world — which has actually  turned out to be a blessing.  I never really realized how much time social media and other online activities dominated my spare time. I do miss writing though and I am hoping to get back in the swing of things when I return home the third week of August.

Please accept my apologies for my lonely, boring blog in the meantime!

- Chantelle

When I Was Young

When I was young

I was never afraid

I ran head first into everything

and anything

without ever stopping to

ask questions

or seek approval

I found beauty in everything

I sought adventure

and watched in wonder

and amazement

at all that surrounded me

When I was young

I would run for hours

on legs that never grew weary

I would jump in puddles

stay out until the streetlights came on

catch frogs and tadpoles in the creek

build tree forts with salvage

chase sunsets and fireflies

and stare at the moon

as it washed over me

and made me realize just

how small I really was

When I was young

I was fearless

No Title (From the poetry archives, dated 2004)

Another chapter of hurt

shut in my life

another one opens

fresh start has begun

So why does it hurt so much

trying to move on?

Learning how to live again

laugh again

love again

and how to be free

My life is like a puzzle

can never seem to make the pieces fit

Patience is a virtue

and strength can only come from within

waking up each morning

praying the sun will shine

to take away my years of pain

and dry the lonely tears I cry

Pray for strength and courage

to make it through each day

and I know that if rainbow

can emerge through darkened clouds

that I can find a way…