Dear Sixteen Year Old Me: Leaving is the Hardest Part

Dear Sixteen Year Old Me,

I wish I could tell you that a year from now none of this will matter, that you’ll just wake up one day and realize it wasn’t meant to be, pack your shit and move on. I wish I could tell you that what you’re feeling right now will dissipate, that it will one day dissolve inside of you until it no longer matters but that would be a lie. I wish I could tell you that he meant it when he said he was sorry, that this was the last time. I wish I could tell you that your gut was right when it told you to run the other way, but I can’t because we both know that instinct is futile against the power of love. I wish I could tell you that your love is enough for the both of you, but it isn’t and it never will be. I wish I could tell you that things will get better, that he’ll change, but he won’t.

The truth of the matter is, that you’re scared.

Scared that the words he said to you are true, that you’ll never be anything without him. That no one could ever love you because of how broken you are. That you’ll always be alone and that loneliness is the scariest thing in the world, but it’s not true! Staying with someone that steals your passion, your creativity — your soul, now that’s the scariest thing in the world!

I wish I could tell you that as you get older, his words, all of their words will drift out into the open sea and get lost in the breeze — but they don’t. Sure, they slowly fade but the echoes, those echoes remain with you daily. The effects of those words and those actions remain with you forever, wounds that never fully heal — only scar over in time.

But alas, there is hope! There is always hope, if only you’ll hold on a little longer….and while these wounds will never fully heal, they will eventually harden — try not to let your heart harden with them.

Don’t be afraid to love again, to run in full throttle and rip off those water wings.

Will you get hurt again? Most definitely!  But you’ll never learn what it means to love or be truly loved unless you’ve experienced great heartache; for love is born from anguish and a heart that knows not anguish, knows not love.

So have a good cry, hell, have a few. Cry until your eyes burn and your pillow is soaked with the salt of your tears because I promise you this: Once it’s over, I mean completely over, you’ll realize that in that very moment walking away seemed like the hardest thing you ever did until it was done and then you’ll find yourself feeling so incredibly thankful because one day, you’ll realize just how incredibly amazing you truly are.

Leaving is the hardest part,

Fearless (I’m Free) Original Song by Chantelle Garvin

Howdy folks, I’ve been really behind in school work but I decided to get a new video out to y’all today and I’m so excited to share my FIRST EVER ORIGINAL tune! (with special thanks to Morgan Matthews for creating an instrumental for me to write to) Some day I’d love to get to a real studio and record this all nice and proper..but for now you’re stuck with my crappy apartment recordings!

Stop by my YouTube channel to check it out and feel free to comment, rate and subscribe if you like what you hear!

Thanks so much ! <3 Chantelle

The Voice of God (Listen)

I’m learning to hear the voice of God

through the whispers in the trees

while sunlight bursts through treetops

as I watch in my window seat

On the morning train or the city bus

through all my happiness

defeat and disgust

as the rain falls in sheets

from a wide open sky

 walking through streets alone

feeling small, insignificant

yet alive

I’m learning to hear Him

in the hills and the valleys

and the peaks that rise between

when I feel like I’m on top of the world

or drowning in the depths of the sea

when everything feels so far

or that it’s out of reach

He’s the one that carries me


I’m learning that

I will never know true happiness

without feeling the intensity of despair

that every time I thought I was alone

His arms are what held me there

So every time I think I’ve had enough

or discouragement clouds my vision

I remember that the voice of God

is something that I hear everyday

if only I’d take the time to listen

New YouTube Cover posted / Update

School has been wreaking havoc on my soul.

Every day has been a struggle and it’s been really hard to find motivation to do anything for myself lately. Getting out of bed in the morning is a chore, showering, brushing my teeth and dressing myself. All of these things have been slowly draining me but the finish line is in sight! The clouds are starting to shift and I can see the silver lining! The fog lifted long enough today for me to pull myself up and create something.

Despite my head cold, my aching body and the mountains of homework I have yet to tackle… for once, I chose me!

If you’re interested in checking what an aching heart sounds like when it sings click the link :)

<3 Chantelle

Whispers in the Dark

I’m screaming into silence

seems like no one hears me

these lies, they keep whispering

only I no longer believe


They tell me that it’s over

that there’s no use in trying

and cackle in the darkness

fuelled by the fears I keep supplying




Like wolves, they lurk in the shadows

just waiting to devour

snickering at my failures

getting drunk off of the power


But I refuse to surrender

I won’t give up this fight

and I’ll forever run from darkness

to chase after the light


And though my legs may grow weary

running towards hope that seems out of sight

I know that joy comes in the morning

if I can just make it through this night


© Chantelle Garvin 2014

Gone, but not Forgotten


We walk this soil proud and free
because of the lives of the fallen
strangers that fought for you
and for me

Their lives, a symbol to remind us
just what freedom costs
a reminder similar
to that of the cross
for each chose to lay
down their life for another
for our mothers, our fathers
our sisters and brothers

This ultimate sacrifice
as modelled by Christ
as a constant reminder
that this gift has a price

It’s been paid in full
by the blood of others
greater love hath no other
than that of a life
laid down for a brother

So today we pause for a moment
and dare I say a moment longer
to remind ourselves
just what selflessness looks like

To take a deep breath and
feel the crispness of the air
as the wind rustles leaves and
it blows through our hair
the feeling of our hearts
beating loud in our chests
as we stand with our Nation
to pay tribute to the dead
and though so many lives were lost
we know they were not in vain
for we know that we cannot have the sunshine
without a little rain

Gone, but not forgotten — lest we forget
©Chantelle Garvin 2014


I stayed,

because he made me believe

that without him I was nothing

that I was below

even the lowliest creature

to ever walk the earth

that I was useless





I stayed,

because he made me believe

that his words had the power

to hold me captive

in lies that had now become

my truth

I stayed,

because I let those words

stick into me like arrows

leaving wounds that still ache

even after all these years

at just the mention

of his name

I stayed,

because those arrows dripped with poison

that injected me with shame

and kept me isolated in a prison

alone in silence with my pain

I stayed,

because the first time it happened

I believed it when society told me it was my fault

that I was the one to blame

that I probably provoked him

and therefore deserved the pain

I stayed,

because the second time it happened

I tried to forget about the first

and when he told me again

how sorry he was

I could feel my heart begin to burst

I stayed,

because I thought

that love could conquer all

that maybe, just maybe

if I loved him enough

it would be enough

to tear down his walls

because at some point

I recognized

that we’re all broken inside

but most of all

I stayed,

not because I was afraid to leave

but because it was easier to stay

then it was to find my voice

and speak


*This poem was prompted by the Janay Rice Story that prompted Beverly Gooden to write this response. <— which you should totally read … like right now.

Violence against women has been completely normalized by society and this must end! The blood of millions of women that have died at the hands of their partners demands it! We cannot let these cries go unheard any longer!

It’s my hope that by sharing my story, I may inspire others to find their voices and share theirs as well. I would love to hear about your experiences and lend you my ear (or eyes in this case). If you wish to connect with me and don’t feel like sharing your story at this time, feel free to contact me privately by emailing me at :

and remember: You may not be able to change the intro, but you do have the power to change how the story ends!